"Heavy's Retarded Holiday" is the seventh and most recent episode of Moments with Heavy. It debuted December 2010 and has gotten 2.7 million views since, ranking as the third-most viewed episode of the series. Due to the video's theme this is also considered the series' first Christmas special.
Brief synopsis: Heavy gets sucked into the vortex between real life and the computer world when he fails to enter the serial key correctly, landing into a world of mayhem.
PlotEditThe episode begins with a fart noise, and Blue Heavy approaches the screen with a L4D2 cartridge in his hand, saying "Left 4 Dead". He flies through the house with the cartridge in his mouth, and in front of a red Sniper reading a newspaper. He spits out the cartridge directly at the Sniper. The next cut looks at his bed, as Heavy's head magically pops through the mattress. He approaches his computer, and throws the chair out of the way directly at the Sniper. He slowly takes the cartridge from his mouth, and throws it, knocking over a plant. He receives the disk directly in his mouth, and spits it into the monitor, thus starting up the game. A message pops up ordering Heavy to enter the serial key, or be eaten. He curses, and pushes down with one finger twice, failing to enter the key. The game calculates, before literally screaming 'WRONG!'.
Francis' head pops out of the computer, and pulls Heavy inside of it. A bright flash swallows the screen, and as it fades, we watch a helicopter crash in a fiery explosion. Heavy is standing on one side of a table filled with weapons, and Ellis stands on the other. Ellis introduces himself to him, and sticks out his hand. Heavy takes it, and promptly, and assumingly, breaks it. The two watch the fire from the crash as Heavy is asked what "suck the heads" means. Heavy loudly yells "NO!" at him, and with one slug, fires him almost across the room. Ellis tells him "it's about eating", and a white car is thrown at him. Despite his warning not to do it again, a train is chucked at him. He magically appears near the table, and grabs a pistol. Heavy does the same, but he fails to handle it correctly, so he throws it at Ellis's face. He offers him a brown teddy bear, but the scene changes.
The blue eyes on Chuck Greene's face take the screen, as he looks to the left. There, he sees not much but one part of the room. To the right, he sees another half of the room. The camera pans out on Chuck, as a man appears behind his back, much to his disdain. He introduces himself as Frank West, offering a hand and a glistening smile. A man charges at the two, but Chuck kills him bloodily by shooting him out of his butt. Frank reaches for Chuck's gun, but he pulls it down, saddening him. He tries again, but Chuck lifts it upward this time. He bonks Frank on the forehead with the gun, to which he successfully steals it. A red Scout attacks them with a warped voice, and between Frank's decision to shoot the Scout or Chuck, he shoots Chuck, launching him across the table. Afterward, he kills Scout in an explosion.Frank looks back at Chuck, who builds himself a mounted machine gun in a cloud of smoke, and upon completion, he says satisfied "Just like Mama used to make!". He begins opening fire, shooting Frank in tons of blood. He then lunges at Chuck in a cloud of smoke. When the smoke lifts, it is revealed that he destroyed his entire wall of bricks, and his rifle. Chuck frowns against Frank's grin. It cuts back to Ellis and Heavy from this point. Ellis goes up to Heavy, telling him to "hold up." He begins dancing to upbeat music as the screen changes color. He quickly ends his dance, pointing at Coach on the ground, stained with blood, crying for help. Ellis shoots him with enough force to send him off the table, flying towards the window. His shot summons various things. The first is The G-Man with a flock of birds that take Heavy, and some glass turtles that attack Ellis. One turtle knocks Ellis off the table, but a horse provides him a landing, which later bounds off, leaving behind a trail of fire. The G-Man and the birds send Heavy up to a ceiling light, where Heavy gets briefly pestered by the turtles. He cries for help inside the light, and Ellis and his horse charge towards the light, causing an explosion, but freeing Heavy in the process. Heavy then proceeds to plummet to the ground, landing headfirst, so hard that only his legs are visible. Ellis also falls himself, landing on several levels of drawer handles. He also lands on cactus plants that cover one handle. He lands safely through a pack of leaves, but gets shot by guns on the next level. He lands the next one on his crotch, and finally lands on the ground. The episode cuts back to Frank and Chuck, Frank explaining about Chuck's shoes that must be bought; "Blue and cream, son! Blue and cream!" He tells that the user must also get matching pants to avoid looking silly. After his explanation, Chuck punches Frank directly in his mouth, and turns his fist so that Frank is launched into a refrigerator. Chuck performs his look to the left and right that he did in his introduction, gazing at several parts of the room. When it cuts back to Chuck, it is shown that a man is behind him. He looks down and find Louis in between his legs, and a glaring cat upwards. He opens the fridge to find a Storm Trooper helmet, to which Francis magically appears behind him, yelling "BOO!" He kicks Chuck upward, who lands on the top edge of the fridge, this assumingly killing him as 'MONSTER KILL' appears on the screen. Francis explains his love for bumper cars while sitting in one; he runs Chuck over and brakes next to Frank. He slaps him a high-five, and continues driving. Chuck angrily approaches Frank, smacking his face, reducing his smile to a glum straight face. Ellis cries for help, but Heavy says no. Ellis hears of Bill's finding of pain pills, but he mistakes him as a Smoker. When Bill approaches, Ellis screams wildly. He is finally quieted when Bill grabs him by the mouth, and apparently rips out his entire skull. Bill coughs a cloud of smoke in Heavy's face (after mistaking him as a Spy), just as Ellis announces he is grabbing "balls of steel", which is viagra. With his head now Duke Nukem's, he gulps down the entire container, and his testicals grow to the size of beach balls. He lunges himself at Heavy and Bill, Bill being launched into the side of a drawer, while Heavy flies directly at a computer screen. Ellis/Duke incorrectly says that it's time to "kick ass and kick ass", and that he is "all out of kick ass." A Panda dressed as Heavy then crashes down next to Ellis, who declares that he is not going to fight; he is going to kick ass. He hits the panda, sending him to the floor. Ellis then sets his eyes on a group of fleeing men. He throws himself at them like bowling, one man still standing.
Chuck and Frank watch Ethan Mars kneeling and screaming in pain, his back turned towards the 2. The words 'YA CANT BE SRS' revolve around Frank's head, to which the Ethan finally turns his head, repeatedly saying "Jason". He falls flat on the ground, but his legs lift and he is flipped over. Chuck tosses him at the other side of the room, at a box. He then runs to where Chuck and Frank are, but he is struck by a car before this is possible. The car hits a wall, but it flips about, hitting a pole and wildly flipping some more before aiming right for Chuck and Frank. The driver of the reckless car lightly apologizes to Chuck before rushing over to Frank, asking him if it was a coffee he was drinking. He puts Frank under arrest, introducing himself as Agent Norman Jadyen for the FBI. Frank is literally thrown into Jadyn's car, and they drive off, leaving a confused-looking Chuck behind.
Frank is inside an interrogation room with Agent Jadyen and Carter Blake. He lifts his coffee cup to Blake, before lifting it to Jadyen. He takes off his sunglasses as Blake goes berserk, kicking a chair directly at Frank and yelling "F**KING A**HOLE!". Jadyen tells Carter that it made no sense, but he punches Jadyen's sunglasses, sending him to the floor. He is told why not to "f**k off" just as Chuck flies at the door. Carter's surprise, Chuck rips the door off its hinges, flying directly at him, and he can do nothing but scream as his head is sliced off. Frank and Chuck bond hands, but they hear an alarm as the screen flashes red. The two flee out into the street as 'F**K YEAH' is shown on the screen. A man fires his bullet at Frank, but it lands in his mouth. He spits it back at him, ripping through his head. Another man is lowered from a helicopter above a screaming Frank. But Chuck comes in in a Japanese style, flips in the air, and two guns protrude from his butt and begin shooting. A thin pole is blown in half, and the man from the helicopter falls to the floor. Chuck, with the lyrics, tells him to lick his butt as he does a pelvic thrust directly at him. Chuck drives a car directly at a wall, which marks the end of the montage. (All this is done to the song "America, F**k Yeah" from the Team America film.)
Heavy appears on the screen, sniffing and looking about. He peeks past the wall, seeing guards bonding over cups of coffee. Beyond that, he sees the mighty Crit-Sandvich as his eyes turn to hearts. He instantly begins reading a book on sneaking past guards as Ellis flies directly at the camera. When the camera begins viewing well, Ellis apologizes dearly. He then flies across the room at the wall, to which a heavily dressed man catches up to him and mistakes him for Gordon Freeman. He slides across the floor away from him, but he instantly catches up again. He tries touching Ellis, but he catches his hand and throws it at his face. He then approaches Heavy, whom he also mistakes for Freeman. He tells him that there is a tune in his head that he cannot get out, and he begins singing the song in front of him briefly. Ellis, curled into a ball, apparently finishes using the bathroom as a flush sound is heard. He curls his head up, and jumps to the ceiling of the room, bouncing down. He comes down with a box in his arms, but his legs give way and he falls, releasing the box from his grasp. The G. Freeman fan takes the box and even Heavy puts his book down to watch. The fan flips the box and looks inside the box, and is horrified, surprised, or disgusted at what he sees. He cries if Ellis is crazy, and that he declines going out "in THAT!" but he is instantly convinced by "Dr. Freeman"--actually Heavy.
The guards are now playing the Dreamcast's Power Stone 2. Ellis, the GF fan, and Heavy are all in it together, ordering each other to keep moving. One guard is straining themselves at trying to play the game while the other encourages him. The man (disguised as Renamon) appears behind their couch, the guards surprised and disgusted at him. The man gets a knife thrown at his face, and he falls to the floor. One guard hobbles over to it and smashes it with something, while the other approaches it and begins urinating on it. Heavy appears behind a giant SNES box, and takes the Sandvich in his mouth while the entity is bloodily destroyed. Two more guards appear, one "bodychecking" the other, slamming their hip into them with so much force, they fly off and directly hit the red Sniper. Heavy finally consumes the Crit-Sandvich and receives its UberCharge. Ellis sees Heavy, but before he can finish his sentence concerning him, he is cut around the neck and falls to the floor. The killer is apparently seen to be Ezio Auditore (Assassin's Creed), proclaiming that he is "still here." As he suspends in the air in an X shape, Ellis kicks him in the crotch, and he is shot to death as a reponse. Ezio turns his head to Heavy who says that he is dead. He throws a knife at him, but it lands in his mouth. He throws another, and it lands in his mouth also. Ezio keeps chucking knives at Heavy, but they are all consumed and eaten, much to Ezio's surprise. Proclaiming that he eats pain, Heavy goes up to Ezio, rips part of his arm off, stuffs it in his mouth, and breaks his neck. Heavy turns back to his form, and proceeds to look at a rapidly shot Ellis. He chuckles, and disappears in a flash. The whole event turns out to be a video on the computer of a teenager (assumingly a figure of Elliot himself), who has a disappointed look on his face as he pushes down on the keyboard, cutting the episode to an intermission.
After the intermission, two black gangsters are in an abandoned restaurant. One man talks about hearing about a white boy getting capped down by a tree. The other gangster, surprised at this news, talks gibberish which sound like "For real? By the f**kin' huge a** weed by the hill?" The first gangster confirms this, telling him that some money fell out of his pocket, maybe $3.50. The second gangster says something like "Damn, thats some busta a** sh** G!" They both say "Yeah!" and the first gangster asks if he is heard, to which the second says yes, but knocks over some chairs as he flails around while he is floating in the air. The first gangster tells him to "shut [his] a** up" and smacks him, sending him to the floor.
The episode cuts back to the main event, to which the events of the previous MWH are shown, which merely state that Ellis died. Heavy looks at his surrounding in the eye binoculars; he sees a black man being choked by a buff white man, Francis and Bill (apparently hurting a man), Francis ordering Bill things that he cannot hear, his head being so far up his butt. He looks up, and sees a bare white butt, to which he screams. But as the camera pans out, we realize that this is just a zoom-in on Ellis's hand, who thought that he would be forgotten. The camera then tilts Heavy upside down, and he falls down, bounces upward on a giant trampoline (next to two men arguing over it), and then dangles from where Ellis is standing. Ellis unbelievably slowly reaches out for Heavy's hand, which turns to his one clutching finger and his hand nears. As he is about to grasp it, he realizes that it is Christmas, forgetting about Heavy until he officially grabs onto him and falls down with Heavy. The two fall into the back of a car Chuck is driving with Frank. The two introduce themselves as the car speeds out of control. The car suddenly bumps into something, and it rises among them as a giant shadow.
It is revealed to be a giant cat, which is at first taken for granted for its cuteness, but it turns out to be evil as lasers protrude from its eyes and dissolve something. The car frantically drives away, the cat hot on its trail. The cat dissolves a small horse during its pursuit with the car. The evil cat dissolves everything in its way as everyone inside the car panics. Ellis tries shooting the cat, but the bullet harmlessly bounces off the cat's face. Heavy, standing up in the car's sunroof, is short of luck when the car enters a mouse hole and he hits the wall and falls out of the car, directly in the cat's view. He flees just in time as a beam hits. He joins the others, panting breathlessly. The two find a picture of a cat next to them, which rips open to show the giant head of the evil cat, who readies its beams and dissolves the car, much to Heavy's horror. He cries, "OH NO!", but Ellis says, "Yes." right before being dissolved. The three remaining are Chuck, Frank, and Heavy; Chuck flees and collides with the wall. He clears the table in front of him of its objects, and puts on a bike and a speech bubble, and builds something out of it as a cloud of smoke appears once more. When the smoke lifts, it is shown that he had made a toaster. A waffle pops open, and Chuck takes it as he is dissolved.
Frank and Heavy hoof it away from the cat, who squeezes through the mouse hole and traps Frank in its paw, dissolving him. Heavy flies into the grasp of a train, which heads off. He lands on the top as the cat readies its beams. Heavy jumps from train to train just in time as the cat dissolves one. He sees an incoming wall, and he jumps in front of the train, offering a fight. The train rumbles toward him, but he sends it off the track into the air with one punch. The cat pushes the train out of the way like a toy, and Heavy is horrified as the target of the cat's beams. It fires, but Heavy protects himself with the cartridge case. Heavy then sees a nearby bottle, which he throws at the cat's face, losing its beams. The cat falls to the ground, leaps up, and scatters out the door. Heavy throws away the case as everyone lifts him up and cheers for him. But a bright flash engulfs the screen, and as it dims, it is revealed that Heavy's entire adventure was just a dream. He wakes up at the rooster's call, rubber ducky in hand, and sits up. He throws away the duck, and flies at the window. He clears his window to see snow everywhere.
He is surprised at the happening, and calls for the Soldier, who is not there. He looks for the Pyro, but he has disappeared as well. He yells for the Scout, but he is missing too. Even the Engineer has disappeared up in the attic, much to Heavy's confusion. He takes a step and tumbles down the stairs, where everyone is celebrating Christmas. Scout calls him, and with a "Boink!", tosses his gift at his head. He rips it open to find a L4D2 cartridge inside, which he refuses, throwing it back at Scout's face. The doorbell rings, and Heavy opens the door to see Ellis. He slams the door on Ellis, his head and arm crushed and stuck in the doorway. He lifts up his gift, which he rips open and inside finds a teddy bear. He reminisces one part of his dream when Ellis gave him the exact same teddy bear. Heavy sheds a tear, and gives Ellis a bone-crushing bear hug. Ellis, after he stops screaming, looks at Heavy and cracks a sheepish smile as the episode ends.
- When Heavy was reading his book, it was on how to sneak past guards. Before the GF fan looks inside Ellis's box, it changed to Dr. Seuss's Hop on Pop.
- This episode is the longest of the nine at 14:58.
- Heavy's eye binoculars in the episode reference as an equivalent to the ones SpongeBob used in the episode "Idiot Box".
- Many people die in this episode, but they somewhat survive at the end, almost like how South Park's Kenny frequently dies and comes back to life.
- At the end of the episode, Heavy tells Ellis to kiss him. Despite this, he hugs him.
- This episode features 22 deaths, which makes it the MWH video with the most deaths.
- For an unknown reason, The gangsters in the Intermission are the same models as the gangsters in the fictional gang Grove Street Families, In the game Grand Theft Auto: San Andreas But in the Intermission, They appear in Red instead of Green.